Many guys fall into a depression when they get dumped by their girlfriend. It doesn’t matter if you did something wrong or not – if you truly care about your girlfriend it hurts when you lose her. So, rather than let depression take over your life, if you really loved your girlfriend and want her back, focus on what you can do to get her back. Look to the future. Start making changes to make yourself more desirable and quit focusing on what went wrong to get you to this unhappy place. Instead, ask yourself, “If I want my ex back, what am I going to do differently once I have her?” In this way you’ll keep your focus on the positive changes in the future instead of the breakup.
So, as you are making these changes, try to live your life as best you can. Do things that perhaps you never tried before, things you always wanted to but couldn’t with your ex perhaps. Spend time with friends you’ve maybe lost touch with during your relationship. Meet new girls, go out with them even. This doesn’t mean you have to abandon your hopes of getting your ex back, but it will help you build the necessary confidence you’ll need to win her back, and if she gets wind you are seeing other women, she could become jealous and will be less likely to think you are desperate when you finally do start to try to win her back.
Keep your distance
Another important thing to do while improving yourself is to avoid your ex as much as possible. Don’t let her see you too much so that physical changes from diet and exercise will have a bigger impact when she finally does see you. Don’t ignore her per se, but try to wait before you respond, make it clear you aren’t as available to her as you were when you were still dating. If, during this phase it becomes clear that she misses you, don’t drive her away or become cruel in order to keep a distance – this can backfire and reinforce thoughts in her mind that she was right to end the relationship. Try to be smooth and ignore your broken heart when such an opportunity presents itself.
This may all seem difficult. I mean – your heart was broken, how can you build confidence? But a key point is to start by distracting yourself from the negative thoughts and feelings of loneliness and sadness. You just need to be strong enough to make changes. Use the sadness you feel as a motivation to make yourself better. Think of the future of how your ex is going to think and feel when you reveal the new you to her. Remember, if this is going to work, you’re going to need some time away to focus on improving yourself. Stay motivated!
Address the root of the problem that led to your breakup
Now, before you can begin actively pursuing your ex after improving yourself, you need to give the original cause of the breakup some serious thought. Nine times out of ten the reason a woman gives for breaking up is just something that sounds nice and is easy to say. You need to look past that, to the underlying issues. Why was she unhappy enough in the relationship to end it?
No matter what she said, the bottom line was she was unhappy. When people are unhappy, they change. You’ll need to understand what made her unhappy and work on changing that as well if you expect to get her back and keep her. The difficulty with this is that everyone is different and understanding what truly made her unhappy may not be as easy to discover as you would like.
If I can’t figure out why she was unhappy, how will I get her back?
This isn’t as hard as it may seem. The important thing is that when she sees you – she sees things that look like they will make her happy. That is, how you look, how you act, what you are doing with your life, what you say to her, etc. Be confident, be independent. Show her that you are capable of moving on and being happy without her. Above all, don’t come off as desperate. Don’t text or call too often and never repeatedly. In all your interactions, focus on her happiness, even if that means patience, staying away, or taking a back seat for a while.
You’ll still likely want to understand the root cause – but if you establish in her mind you can make her happy, it may make this cause go away and perhaps eliminate the need completely. If not, once you’ve re-established some sort of friendship, you will have the opportunity to learn more about why she wasn’t happy with you the first time you went out.